30 Days – Day 30: Yeah, Thats All There Is

It’s day 30.

What does it all mean?

I am asking you, as I have all month.

We are well. We are sick. We are good. We are not so good. And we are all tired AF.

Everything is a hot mess all the time and people who think it is not are fools – or, they are making everything worse for those around them on purpose to make their own lives feel less messy.

In the end, the only thing I wanted to do with this blog was allow someone to feel, even for a moment, that they are not alone.

So, here’s how it ends.

You are not alone. You are not the worst. You are not a failure. You are not a lunatic.

Or – you know what?

Maybe you are.

Maybe you are, and maybe that is the very best.

So, embrace it. It’s your thing. And you’re the only only of you. So, take care of yourself and do as much of you as you can.

Because the world needs more of you. I need more of you, and I’m going to be here reaching out, so there will be a hand to grab when you reach back.

 

30 Days – Day 29: The Snuggle is Real

My daughter has an ear infection complicated by the fact that she is adorable.

My husband and I struck a deal, “you go AM, I’ll go PM”.

So I got up this AM when my poor sick child started hugging me and whispering “hi”.

Yes. She was in our bed; because sleep.

I showered both of us and got dressed like a real adult and went to work, then made a few deals to be able to come home and work from here at 1pm.

I got home and my daughter was radiating heat. Like a little red-cheeked furnace.

I did my best to get her pants up, load her in the car and get her presentable; then, I took her to CVS for Ibuprofen. Of course, everyone in the pharmacy remembers her from last night. We live in a small town.

They were all smiling and waving; but my tiny Beyoncé was throwing major shade because her head was hot and she didn’t feel good.

I had missed a call, and was in a hurry; but I was gonna nip this fever in the bud.

So we had 40 minutes when we arrived home until my next call; and she fell asleep on my chest. Her hot head buried in my neck, just breathing fire.

Then, on my next call; she tortured me, the dog and the agency just screaming every time I tried to give feedback.

Now, my husband is downstairs playing guitar and I am upstairs just exhausted. I cannot fall asleep fast enough.

Why isn’t he tired?!?

 

30 Days – Day 28: Green Cup

This AM, I didn’t go to the gym because I had to get to work early.

The baby was up (since 3:45am), so I took her to daycare on my way to work. It worked out since we had showered before bed, because poop.

(Her, not me.)

I wore a fabulous tunic that looks like a dress and feels like a light throw. (Thank you, Style Trolley for making even my sloth look deeply fashionable.)

Me, deeply fashionable in my tunic. Lily, deeply fashionable in my hat.

I had early meetings and spent all day just being wild at work. People kept threatening to start a quote wall because I was being so painfully silly. (Maybe some of these aren’t appropriate for social media.)

Then, I had to complete a mandatory 40-minute long video training that I’m a month behind on. (Ooooh, videos of actors making tough calls with quizzes peppered in? Let’s do this!)

At daycare, they informed me that my child “wasn’t herself today” and only wanted to “lay on the big pillows”. (I feel you, kid!)

Since they told me she had a super low fever and suggested it might be an ear infection, I took a chance and visited our pediatrician on the ride home. (Thank G-d for small towns!)

Clocking in at 102 degrees, my daughter was indeed diagnosed with said ear infection. (Daycare is genius! Yay, daycare! Thank G-d for people who notice when your kid isn’t themselves.)

And, so, we rounded off our night with a trip to CVS for amoxicillin. (Because I have to get my child back to daycare as soon as possible, because it literally takes a village.)

Then, at 7pm, I realize we haven’t had dinner. The only place with relatively healthy food between CVS and home is Starbucks-and it looks like I have a freebie today! (I should note that my kid loves Starbucks.)

So, we pull through the drive through, and as the girl in the window hands me my our dinner of free things, she says, “Happy Birthday!”

Yes. Thanks to you, Starbucks, it is.

(So, here is a photo of my birthday dinner; and a pantsless child with an ear infection who refuses to remove her jacket.) 🙂

30 Days – Day 26: Wonder Full

Do you remember the first time your kid said, “trick or treat”?

I do. Because it happened only one time tonight after she was already home from trick or treating and sitting in her high chair eating dinner.

Of course, this did not stop her from traipsing around the neighborhood with her bright green pumpkin bucket, reaching into bowls of candy and then gently placing them on the ground…

Because I guess we didn’t do the best job of teaching her how trick or treat works.

Since we did not have time to change into our costumes after work – or you know, buy costumes – we were very grateful for a super gift from Erin Przybylo to allow Lily to enjoy the Wonder of Halloween.

Enjoy your Werewolf Bar Mitzvahs, your Monster Mashes, and your Thriller nights.

From all of us in Neenah, to all of you, Ghoul Night and Ghoul Luck. 🙂

(Don’t worry, we’ll save our awesome family costume for next year.)

30 Days – Day 25: The Good Life

John Mulaney has a great bit about doing things.

Basically, if you ask a kid who’s not doing anything, they’ll be super bored and complain.

“Aw, we didn’t do anything all day!”

You ask an adult, and they’ll say,

“We did nothing. All weekend. It was great.”

This weekend, I had that weekend.

We napped, we picked Lily up at school, we went to the park, to the store, on a run.

Luxury.

Ths upside of stuff you don’t want to happen is that it opens space for stuff you never make time to do.

And some of that stuff is really awesome.

No pictures. Because I was too busy being here.

30 Days – Day 23: My Mother the Hero

All of our mother’s are friggin awesome AM I right?

I like to shout out to my mom pretty much always.

Look guys, she’s not perfect; but she is the most awesome.

Fran Hurley worked 6 days a week in a FOUNDRY to bring home the bacon for our little family so that I could go to Camp Huawni, be a debutante, and go rafting in the Rockies a few times a summer.

Fran Hurley rode horses, supported my bananas amounts of activities, and somehow we didn’t starve to death.

Fran Hurley managed to look like a model while wearing a hard hat.

Fran Hurley was a mothertruckin bosslady before anybody was wearing Bossy Pants, Leaning In, or saying Yes please.

So, when my daughter wakes up at 5am asking for Nanny, or wants to get Nanny on FaceTime when she goes potty, or thinks that Nanny will save her when I’m making her do something mean like wearing pants, I can’t be mad at her.

Because, while my mom may not have always been there for every concert – because work – she did teach me how to be independent, that what you want to accomplish matters, that money is hard-earned and that life does not ultimately have your best interest at heart. So, you make your joy, earn your money, and don’t trust anyone who asks you to something that isn’t good for you.

I don’t know why, but today, I thought we could all use a little Fran Hurley.

Hard Hats on, Ladies.

(PS, I wonder if Chelsea ever feels like this?)

30 Days – Day 21: Happy Wednesday

There are always weeks that are too busy.

I like a good exhausted sigh more than most; because, I really like being too busy.

Here’s the bad thing about being too busy: stuff falls off your plate.

Here’s the good thing about being too busy: stuff falls off your plate.

There is no better feeling than to be firing on all cylinders and doing what needs to be done.

Things will fall through the cracks; but, cracks are small, so, how big are these things?

G-d willing, not very. But if they are big, you get to play catchup.

Upside: More doing!

I like moving. I dig shaking. I enjoy doing stuff.

Tom Petty was right. “The waiting is the hardest part.”

What AM I saying, Tom Petty was right about everything.

“You don’t have to live like a refugee.”

“It’ll all work out.”

“It took a world of trouble, it took a world of fear, it took a long time to get back here.”

“After all it was a great big world with lots of places to run to.”

What I’m saying is, doesn’t everyone enjoy the times when you’re not waiting?

Doing something is the best part!

(Or, having something to do and actively not doing it. But, that is a topic for another post.)

This post is about being so busy that you can’t do the small stuff.

What a blessed, gorgeous luxury.

On the flip side, while you’re busy doing stuff, don’t be surprised if your dogs are busy tearing apart your house.

Does anyone know where to buy teal baby’s shoes at 9pm? Asking for a friend. A 25lb, nearly bald friend.

30 Days – Day 19: Unfettered Joy

…because $&@# it.

Yeah, I said it.

$&@# it.

$&@# it all.

You can’t change the stuff you can’t change and it’s all a bunch of hooey anyway, so $&@# it.

Today was uncomfortable, unfinished, unpolished and scary AF; but when you’re raw and things are beyond your control, you let those things go.

You have to let those things go.

Because if you keep holding all this junk…All this stuff that you love; but you can’t do anything with, then your hands won’t be free for the stuff you can actually accomplish.

So, I met today where I was, admitted what I couldn’t handle and embraced the utter joke of control.

As a result, in my spare time, I got these texts from the weekend’s running gag.

As with many good things, I’m not really sure how this one started. Somehow, my friend Liana suggested that Lily would become a ____.

(Fill in whatever fabulous occupation you aspire to for your child.)

Then, she and JF (the hubs) started to speculate on what kinds of things she could do that we could have pictures of and later claim, “Oh, see! Look at this photo of her holding a sequin we found on the beach. She was always going to be a trapeze artist.”

So, when my husband took LF to The Children’s Museum, he started the scrapbook.

Here are the resulting texts between him, me, and my beloved Liana.

30 Days – Day 18: The Reckoning

This weekend in the midst of my deepest need, one of my dearest friends showed up and brought me some light.

We spent time all together like the good old Appleton days. (With a few important exceptions.)

The energy of being with my people was a helpful salve for the unanswered questions looming large.

And this joy was punctuated by the laughter of my daughter with those who love her. Shopping, dancing, running in circles, eating.

I miss my family and I hate being far; but I love my friends and thank G-d for the love of the weekend before the work of the week.

30 Days – Day 13: A Menace

I just started the washing machine; and after a few seconds, I heard “ka-thunk, ka-thunk, ka-thunk”.

I walked through the kitchen where I earlier pulled a plug on my toaster oven and saw a flash of flame.

I passed the guest bath full of pee smell from our recent beginning of potty training.

Must take out the trash.

I entered into the laundry room covered with shredded cardboard from what used to be the box for running shoes.

My dog Leela decided to make evicerating it a project yesterday and I haven’t had time to clean it up.

Then, I carefully threaded my path through the dirty laundry piled on the floor to identify the source of the racket.

A kneecap bone was prominently banging around the front window of the machine with our clothes in the background.

Now might be a good time to tell you that we buy cow kneecaps for our dogs.

But how did it get into the washing machine?